The Other Mother A Woman Love for the Child She Gave Up for Adoption eBook Carol Schaefer
Download As PDF : The Other Mother A Woman Love for the Child She Gave Up for Adoption eBook Carol Schaefer 
In 1965, Carol Schaefer was 19, a freshman in college and deeply in love. She was also pregnant. When her boyfriend’s family opposed their marrying, her parents sequestered her in a Catholic home for unwed mothers a state away, where she was isolated and where secrecy prevailed. She had only to give up her baby for her sin to be forgiven and then all would soon be forgotten she was told. The child, in turn, would be placed with a “good” family, instead of having his life ruined by the stigma of illegitimacy. Carol tried to find the strength to oppose this dogma but her shame had become too deep. “The first time I looked deep into my son’s eyes, I felt like a criminal. As I unwrapped his hospital blanket and took in the heady fragrance of a newborn, I feared the nurses or the sisters would come in and slap me for contaminating my own son.”
Finding no way out, she signed the fateful papers leaving her son in the hands of strangers, but with a vow to her baby she would find him one day. For years, Carol struggled to forget and live the “normal” life promised, not understanding the consequences of the trauma she’d endured. On his eighteenth birthday, she set out to find him, although the law denied access to records. Her search became a spiritual quest to reclaim her own lost self, as she came to understand the emotional and psychological wounds she and other mothers like her had endured. Against all odds she succeeded in finding him and discovered that in many ways they had never really been apart. With her son’s encouragement and his adoptive mother’s cooperation, she tells their story.
REVIEWS
“Strength, sadness, joy, and the power of undeniable love abound in this book.”
500 Great Books by Women (A Penguin Books Reader’s Guide, 1994)
The list of authors goes back to the 11th century.
Nominated “One of the best books of 1991.”
American Library Association.
“... flows as forcefully as the finest fiction. ... This ‘ten-hankie-read’ never descends into sentimentality but simply reveals the unvarnished truths of the human heart.”
Wilson Library Bulletin
“This wrenching account, covering a range of adoption issues, is a moving testament to the bonding power of motherhood.”
Publishers Weekly
“An astonishing revelation of the emotions that come into play throughout the adoptive process - a must read for all concerned.”
Kirkus Reviews
Literary Guild Alternate Selection.
“Inspiring ... a heart tugger.”
Patricia Holt, San Francisco Chronicle
“A chronicle of a time with the starkest of emotions revealed ... Readers quickly understand the trauma that lingers on deep in the hearts of birth mothers every day of their lives.”
Elliot Bay Booknotes
“It should be a must read for anyone who considers adoption the ‘easy’ answer to an unwanted pregnancy.”
The Philadelphia Inquirer
“As she experiences pain and love, you’re on that roller coaster with her, as if the life she lived was yours.”
St. Petersburg Times
“Poignant and powerful, The Other Mother shatters the myth that unwed mothers, unprepared for the sacrifice they make, go on to lead normal and untouched lives.” Booklist
“Any woman who has gone through any part of her experience, or has been close to somebody who has, will attest to the story’s authenticity.”
The Washington Post
“I recommend it with all my heart. Its courage, integrity and love make it a treasure. ... not only for adoptive families and birth families, it is for everyone who longs to know how deep the levels are that connect us, and how precious.”
Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul
“... addresses intimately the experience of a Birthmother as no other book has - or probably ever will. Expertly written.”
Jone Carlson, Editor People Searching News
“Courageous, moving and heartening.”
Betty Jean Lifton, Journey of the Adopted Self
“A wonderful book. Engrossing. From my professional perspective the book is right on target
The Other Mother A Woman Love for the Child She Gave Up for Adoption eBook Carol Schaefer
This is a birth mother's powerful telling of the adoption story, certainly as it existed in the U.S. in the 1960s. Schaefer writes from a mature perspective and as someone who can convey raw feeling but who has taken the time and made the effort to examine those feelings, understand others' roles, and consider both the law and what is best for all concerned. There were times when I thought self pity emerged a bit but I never doubted the authenticity or depth of her feelings and I would think her three boys would be comforted by her need and fierce determination to see them happy and loved. She makes a good case for allowing adoptees to find their birth families and is fearless in describing the pain a birth mother feels not knowing whether her child is okay. Schaefer is knowledgeable about the search, the law, and the variety of outcomes, some happy, some not, and brings that knowledge and experience to bear on her telling of her story. It took some courage for me to read this but I'm so glad I did.Product details
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The Other Mother A Woman Love for the Child She Gave Up for Adoption eBook Carol Schaefer Reviews
Thanks to the author for telling her story. As an adopted person, recently reunited with my first mother, your story is immensely valuable.
Thank you to Carol for helping me understand my own mother who was unwed and gave me up for her career and reputation. I was fortunate to have been raised by my grandparents with love and an abundant life. In that I did know my mother I did not understand that she could have been hurting as I grew up away from her. This book warmed my heart for all women who give up their babies. They do suffer the loss as they try to go on. Thank you Carol for opening my heart.
This book in one word "Excellent". The writing was very well done. She kept me on the edge of my seat. It truly was a book I couldn't put down.
I had never read a book from the point of view of a birth-mother or "first mother" as they like to say now days. And I realize that not all first mothers go through what this lady went through. Not all women want to see their children later - in fact they wish it had never happened and they have such shame about the whole event that they reject anything that has to do with it.
Lately I've been reading many books written by adoptees. Plus I am an adoptee myself. What I've been reading has been about people who have been rejected when they find their birth mother.
As for myself - I wasn't rejected at all. However, over the years since my initial search and reunion things have faded and I'm not really in touch with the woman who carried me for 9 months and then had to let me go.
Carol Schaefer is that "dream mom" that adoptees seek. She is educated and sensitive. She is determined to find her child. She is careful but persistant. She never was demanding of her grown child when she met him. She had no expectations that she put on him. I just think she did a wonderful job. Considering the difficult time she had from the minute she learned she was pregnant and all during her "confinement" time at the home for unwed mothers and then afterwards. It seemed like she was in hell and she described it very well.
I don't know what my own birth mother went through. She's not able to articulate her experience in the same fashion that Carol was able to. She is not a writer, nor was she brought up in the same way as Carol was. You have to have a certain background as well as be a certain kind of individual to be able to do all the things Carol has done throughout her entire life. And my birth mother just doesn't have those qualities.
Therefore it was difficult for me to learn what she went through. In reading Carol's book I can at least gleen a little bit of insight into what it must have been like for a young girl of about 17, 18 or 19 to be forced to give up their baby.
This has helped me understand some things that I really didn't "get" before. Thank you Carol. You are brave and I wish there were more out there like you. Women who search for thier long lost children ( after they are adults ).Women who are open and honest about it. Women who are able to share what they went through with people who have no clue what it's all about.
Maybe this book will convince a birth mother or father to sign up on one of the adoption reunion registries. Perhaps this book will remind birth parents to write letters to their children ( sending these to the adoption agency ) leaving critical information for their adult child when they do come searching.
Well, as you might guess, I highly recommend this book for any parent who has adopted a child. In fact it should be manditory reading. Adoptive parents need to know that there is somebody else out there who lost part of themselves just at the time when they are fulfilling their own dream of having a child.
I also would recommend it for adult adoptees, all birth parents and anyone interested in what they call the adoption triad ( birth parents, adoptive parents and adopted child ). It's more than just a triad though - I don't really like that term because adoption effects grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles and many more people.
These are my own personal thoughts about adoption/reunion and this particular book. Others may not share my views and I understand that. Still I would hope my review would encourage others to read Carol's book.
Cried loads, this woman had been through some journey. It opens me up to my own underlie feelings, and helps realize that it's ok not to be happy and have heavy weights on your shoulder from unvalidated or mourned grief. Carol is an amazing woman, and her vulnerability makes her courageous. An example of a true woman.
Having just recently been reunited with my birth mom after 47 years, I began looking for books about adoption in hopes to understand the emotions I was feeling, as well as try to understand what she was feeling too. I started reading The Other Mother" and could not put it down. I felt like I was reading my birth moms story. So many unwed moms in that era were forced to give their baby up. So many of the things that Carol Schaefer described and went through were the same things my mom went through. It really helped me see things from the birth moms perspective. This is a must read for all that are included in the adoption triangle. I am so grateful for this book. It was EXACTLY what I needed to read.
I liked it very much. It was heartbreaking and I felt sorry for her when she had to leave her child. Unfortunately, it was the time when children were born out of wedlock, so it was a big shame and shame. The child also suffered if the mother decided to try to manage the child herself outside of marriage.
As a birth mother who is currently seeking my child, I appreciate the author's telling of her journey in reuniting with her son. It is tragic that up through the 70's young pregnant girls were shamed and forced by parents and society to go away and told to forget it ever happened. You never forget and the love for your child only grows. Thanks to Ms Schaefer for your strength and voice in bringing this out into the open.
This is a birth mother's powerful telling of the adoption story, certainly as it existed in the U.S. in the 1960s. Schaefer writes from a mature perspective and as someone who can convey raw feeling but who has taken the time and made the effort to examine those feelings, understand others' roles, and consider both the law and what is best for all concerned. There were times when I thought self pity emerged a bit but I never doubted the authenticity or depth of her feelings and I would think her three boys would be comforted by her need and fierce determination to see them happy and loved. She makes a good case for allowing adoptees to find their birth families and is fearless in describing the pain a birth mother feels not knowing whether her child is okay. Schaefer is knowledgeable about the search, the law, and the variety of outcomes, some happy, some not, and brings that knowledge and experience to bear on her telling of her story. It took some courage for me to read this but I'm so glad I did.
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